By Cathryn Scott
In an alternative universe, I have a big smile on my face and a few last minute nerves, as I hear the almighty cheers from the crowd and I cross the start line of the Cardiff Half Marathon, the start of 13.1 miles around our beautiful city. I’ll pass well-known landmarks, see family and friends supporting me, hug the She Runs volunteers at the Roath Lake water station, grimace as I make it up Fairoak Road hill, cry when I get my medal at the finish line, and smile as I pose for photos in my new finishers’ t-shirt.
However, as I said, that’s in an alternative universe. The reality is, I’m in my pyjamas, in bed, feeling rough after a nasty dose of covid that has so far lasted an entire week. And I’ve shed a good few tears that I have had to pull out of the 2023 Cardiff Half marathon at the very last minute.
I know it’s the right decision. I’m clearly too poorly to run, but that doesn’t mean it’s not hugely disappointing. I was holding on to a glimmer of hope that I’d magically be well enough to take part, slowing down my pace, walking it if needed, whatever it took to complete my fourth Cardiff Half and to get that gorgeous medal and T-shirt celebrating 20 years of the event. But I’m not well enough, so it’s a big DNS (Did Not Start) for me.
This isn’t the first time I’ve had to pull out of a big running event at the very last minute. The last time was two years ago this weekend when my son ended up in hospital and I had to drop out of London Marathon 2021 with two days to go.
That London Marathon was already taking place a year and a half after I should have been running it due to delays caused by Covid. It was the third time I’d trained for the event, I’d hit my fundraising target, overcome a huge injury, run it virtually around the streets of Cardiff, even fought off Covid a month previously to be well enough to run… and suddenly I couldn’t take part in the event I’d worked so, so hard for.
My son was absolutely my priority, there was no other decision I could have made and I would make the same decision a thousand times over. But goodness, I was gutted that of all the weekends, it had to be the weekend of London.
On the morning of the marathon, with my son home from hospital and recovering, I watched the TV coverage, had a good cry… and then decided to stop wallowing and do something positive and head to the She Runs Cardiff cheer station at Roath Lake, which was supporting runners taking part in the virtual London Marathon and virtual Cardiff Half for an hour or so.
Being able to support others to achieve their running dreams certainly turned my day around. And hugs and sympathetic words from the other She Runs volunteers really helped. I’m not sure anyone quite gets it in the same way as another runner. Only they truly know the months of commitment that goes into training for a running event. To do all the hard work and then not get your victory lap… no, it’s not the end of the world, but it’s tough.
And here I am, two years on, once again a DNS. All those what ifs. What if I’d got Covid a week earlier? A week later? What if I’d known six weeks ago and could have sold my place by the official transfer process. It’s frustrating not having anything to show for your £40.
But sometimes you just have to accept things are out of your control and there’s nothing you can do about it.
Today I’m not well enough to even go and support the other runners. But I’m following everyone’s posts on social media, tracking runners on the app, and will be the first to comment on everyone’s finish line selfies when they start appearing later today. I’ll celebrate the first timers, the emotional journeys of those who didn’t think they could do it but did, the PBs, the resilience of those who have been through tough times and are running to raise awareness and funds for incredible causes.
My chance at London came a whole year later when I finally got to run one of the world’s most iconic races in October 2022, more than three years after I initially got my charity place. For me, it was an incredible experience and absolutely worth the wait. (Although I was slightly disappointed it was the sane day as Cardiff Half, meaning this is the second one in a row I’ve missed.)
There will hopefully be another Cardiff Half next year. I’ll be getting my early bird ticket the minute they go on sale. This will forever be known as the one that got away.
The one that will keep me motivated in my next training block to know that while running an event is tough, not running it is even tougher.
There is a saying in the running community that it’s better to have a DNF (Did Not Finish) than a DNS, the idea being that making it to the start line when so many people wouldn’t even take on the challenge in the first place is something to be proud of on itself. I get that, I really do and in many cases, it’s true.
But actually, there are times when a DNS is absolutely the right decision and better than a DNF. Where running could have made an injury worse or taking part could have made you even more poorly, or infected other runners and made them poorly.
I know for me, my DNS is the right decision and I know for others in our She Runs community that it’s also the right decision, even if it’s one they have wrestled with and needed to seek others’ opinions on.
To anyone else who has had to pull out of Cardiff Half, or indeed any other event at the very last minute, I feel for you. It’s tough and unfair and it’s natural to feel sad even when it’s out of your control.
Sometimes the right decision is the one that causes the most disappointment.
Just as a tough run that feels impossible at the time makes us stronger, more resilient and more determined, so to do these disappointments.
To paraphrase the words of Chumbawumba, we get knocked down, but we get up again. You ain’t never gonna keep us down.
Cardiff Half 2024: bring it on.
She Runs: Cardiff - Mae Hi'n Rhedeg: Caerdydd 